10 Social Media Commandments for Tweens

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I wrote yesterday about my eleven-year-old son joining a social media network, in particular Instagram. I mentioned I'd post family rules I created to set boundaries regarding just how much he shares and who he's sharing it with.

In our house, humor rules. So you'll see I've written our rules with a bit of light-heartedness and have entitled it as "Commandments." I shared them with C. last night and actually got a few chuckles out of him. But he understands these rules are serious.

I fully understand kids and social media can be a dangerous mix. There are cyber-bullies, hurt feelings among friends and of course there's the chance that a child's photos or information could be accessed by unseemly people or unauthorized entities. The website www.sociallyactive.com is a great resource to check out regarding children and internet safety. Their specific article about Instagram is very thorough.

If your child is on Instagram, check their profile. Be sure they haven't listed their last name, phone number or any location information. Also ensure that the button that says "Photos are Private" is listed as "ON" so they have to manually accept new followers and their photos aren't mapped geographically.

That being said, here are the 10 Commandments I put together this week.

K. Household Social Media Commandments for Tweens:

1.) Thou art only allowed to be a member of one social media network. You are not a marketer or journalist; you do not need votes as a “Dancing with the Stars” cast member, nor are you publishing a book anytime soon you must promote. I only have time to monitor one account for you, therefore, that is all ye shall have.
 

2.) I have the name and login for your current social media account and thou shall not change it. The penalty for breaking this rule will be swift and severe.

3.) I shall access and peruse your account from any device of my choosing, any time.

4.) I will delete or un-follow whomever I deem inappropriate. I’ll tell ye about it afterwards, but it shall be done at my discretion.

5.)Thou shall not follow or friend anyone you do not know. This means if you haven’t met them in person, i.e., you couldn't greet each other by name at Dairy Queen; they are not in your network. No friends’ cousins who just seem so very cool. No need for it right now. Learn to be clever and digitally socialize with people ye actually know.

6.) Thou shall present yourself online knowing your mother is monitoring your account, your friends’ mothers are monitoring theirs and with the understanding that what you put out there shall be out there forever. This means your future guidance counselor, babysitting employer or the sweet choir director from church should be able to look at what you post and not think one bit differently about the great kid you are.

7.) Thou shall not swear (excessively) and absolutely not at or against anyone. Friends or followers who do will be un-followed.

8.) No inappropriate photos shall be posted. In all photos of you that are posted you WILL be fully dressed. If you even think you should not post a photo, do not post it. (And if I think ye shouldn't have posted it, it’s gone in one swift click by me.)

9.) No sexual commentary or photos. Enough said. (I just can’t use any old-timey language here-- need to be straight and to the point.)

10.) Thou shall only check thy social media network very few times per day. Life is happening in real time with real people, places and events all around you. Thou shall not get sucked into a social world that is strictly virtual.

Let the Tween Social Media Monitoring Begin!

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It’s hard for me to fathom, but I’ve reached the stage of parenting where I have to monitor my “tween’s” social media account. Social Media monitoring is a pretty new parenting task. It's like the modern version of reading your child’s diary or regularly finding and reading the kooky notes he or she passes back and forth to friends in class. Right around his eleventh birthday, our son asked if he could get an Instagram account.

About Instagram
For those not totally familiar with the site, Instagram is a photo-based social media network that allows members to creatively edit and share their own pictures and other visual content. It’s wildly popular-- it only launched in 2010 now boasts a 100 million user base.Their terms of use include an age requirement of 13 years or older, restrictions against posting violent, nude, partially nude or sexually suggestive photographs plus responsibility for one's account and all activity conducted with it.  

When my son asked if he could have an account, I hedged and said I’d think about it. A few weeks later he basically took over the account I had set up for myself on my phone while we were hanging out in-between his hockey games. This is how he was able to get around the minimum age requirement, which I wasn’t aware of until I started researching for this post.

Why Allow a Tween to Have an Instagram Account?
For the last year, I've used Instagram myself and I've also actually monitored my friend's daughter's account. I think I knew what we were getting in to.

I determined that I didn’t want to stop progress and hinder my son from exploring social media, when obviously it will be a viable force during his teenage years and adulthood. I feel like allowing him to have a well-monitored account now gives me the chance to influence how he virtually behaves and what he posts, i.e. how he presents himself in the future to the forever-after digital world.

I allowed him to start using Instagram after laying down some basic ground rules. Over the last few weeks I’ve had a chance to view what my son and his friends are posting and I have to say that the process has brought up a lot emotions for me.  

The Rollercoaster Ride

• First, I’ve felt frustrated. What a time suck it is scrolling through his account to look at the goofy things these tweens post!
• Second, I’ve felt intrigued and even delighted to see how creative my son and cronies can be with what they choose to post and how they comment.
• This morning I felt a little ill. Most of what his friends are posting include pictures of Spongebob, Chicago Blackhawks tributes, animals playing soccer and close ups of their faces displaying various emotions ranging from elation to fierceness. But a few of the posts have included swear words, gangster-type slang and this morning—one of his friends posted a very pointed, sexual joke in the form of an old-fashioned looking cartoon (compliments of someecards.com).

This led me to a specific discussion with my son about why I had “un-followed” this friend on his behalf and spurred me to write my own ground rules for his social media activity. I think every parent should set social media rules that give them some level of comfort. Of course that means everyone's will be a bit different. 

By setting some boundaries (and by him pushing them) my hope is that my son and I will have on-going discussions about what's happening on social media and in his real social life as he ventures forth into junior high and high school.

I’m flying by the seat of my pants here, but tomorrow I'll post the Tween Social Media Rules I've drafted for my family. I'm sure they'll evolve over the next few months (weeks?) and years but I figured I'd have a go at it. Check back tomorrow and let me know...what have I left out? What should I modify? I'll be very interested in your feedback!