It's Official!

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Ok-- now I've really gone and done it. I took the plunge and published my own website today. Phew!  

Creating a site really takes a lot of hard work, concentrated time, thought and effort. Of course I knew this intellectually but emotionally I didn't think I'd feel this nervous about "putting out my own shingle." I've been working for myself for about ten months now, but launching the site really makes things "official."

Thank you to everyone who has given ideas for the site and who have supported my professional efforts to date. 

And thank you a million times over to DJ Long for all the long hours you put into njkmarketing.com. So. Very. Appreciated!

Let me know what you think of it when you have a moment... ciao for now!

Mental Mistakes

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I used to regularly work 40-60 hour weeks juggling multiple clients, six conference calls a day, while managing a diverse group of accounts, co-workers and multi-million dollar budgets. To say I worked error-free would be a complete fallacy, but I managed pretty darn well juggling it all and making what I believe to be an average number mistakes along the way. (Some more major than others, like cc’ing the client on a reply that he really shouldn’t have seen…) But my point is I was a busy, busy bee with the ability and opportunity to make MAJOR mistakes all the time, but luckily, this didn’t happen.

Now, my work is quite a bit less demanding. I still have clients who need stellar work done and I certainly have deadlines to meet but my calendar is mainly my own. If I’m lucky I have 3 client calls a week. With this new work life I know I’m in a great place, helping businesses with their writing, marketing and communication needs while still juggling the demands of my family, but I’m also recognizing that I’m in the middle of a weird work phenomenon…

The less busy I am, the more mental mistakes I make.

I wonder why this is? Is it physical? Perhaps I just can’t perform as well because I don’t have a constant stream of adrenaline running through me as I jump to project to fire drill to giving a presentation? Or is it a brain issue? Am I just not as sharp as I used to be because I’m not putting in the same work hours?

I hate making mistakes. Of course I'm not alone, who likes to make them?

When googling phrases like “the less busy I am the more mistakes I make” and “less busy at work, make more errors,” I come up with nothing. Not even another blogger like myself stewing on the topic.

Has anyone else faced this issue before?  I’d be interested to know...

Now it's time for me to get busier!

How I Did It

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One of my favorite online columns is a regular feature on Maria Shriver's website. It's called "How I Did It."

Reading these stories from women business owners, both large and small is very inspirational. A few of the articles have even spurred me to take action (like directly contacting the author to network/discuss business opportunities) and they definitely help me reaffirm my in-progress work philosophy of "do what you love & be sure you like who you're doing it with."

A re-occurring theme that I see again and again is the integration of our work lives and personal lives. Technology has made this inevitable over the last few years (much to some people's dismay) but I've really been doing it for more than ten, with one year-and-a-half break in time when I worked for a very large company.

I'm definitely back in the integration mode now. I have clients who are friends, neighbors and acquaintances. I also have "strictly business" clients, but I strive to get to know them a little on a personal level as we work together on creative communication efforts and I let them get to know me too. It brings so much more respect and texture to a business relationship. 

I've decided very definitively over the last year to only work for and with people I admire and those who have the respect of the key people around them. I know this may seem like a luxury, but it's one I hope I can retain throughout my work life.

In this week's "How I Did It" one of the things Jessica Herrin, Founder & CEO of Stella & Dot says about her management style is this,

"If you don't allow people to live their best life they'll opt out, and you'll lose their talent for good."

I really love this business philosophy. I know firsthand how powerful and effective it can be when it's truly followed by management in today's 24/7 accessible world. People will work hard for you, even during their "personal time," if you give them true flexibility and respect, not just lip service.

If you want to work for yourself, make a job change or gain a different perspective on how to run your business, take a few minutes to read some of the "How I Did It" pieces.

If you follow Maria Shriver on Facebook, they are linked to on a regular basis.

Time for me to get back to more work for clients I really like working for. Yes!

The Best Ever...

“This is the best day ever…” This is the best day of my life…”  Whenever one of my children says one of these phrases, it never fails to make me chuckle. It's one of my favorite kid sentiments. As adults so many of us have put up roadblocks and “excepts” that stop us from letting the best moments sink in.

But I know that I did something right while working for a wonderful boss and company for nearly ten years. I recognized and really honored so many times in the weeks and months while working at Media Options Inc. that I had “the best job ever.”

It was the best job ever for so many reasons. I was lucky enough to experience autonomy, respect, lots of laughter, great minds, travel to interesting places, delicious meals, creativity, excitement, agony, drama, odd moments, little victories, big victories, major losses. Over the last two years since the company closed I’ve often wondered if I’ll ever have that type of work life again.

I and literally hundreds of people around this country have experienced a great loss this week, the passing of founder and chairman of Media Options Inc., Philip Press. It’s too hard for me right now to try to describe the type of person Phil was, but I’ve never met anyone like him and I doubt I ever will again. He was a mentor and great champion to many.

I once told Phil while chatting in his office that working for him was “the best job I ever had.” He smiled big time when I told him this and I remember chiding myself about it a little afterwards… it wasn’t exactly the shrewdest thing to say when I needed to negotiate my position or salary later on.

But in the end, that stuff didn’t matter. Phil and his beautiful, wickedly smart wife Beth became more than my bosses, they became my friends. I knew I could count on them for anything and often did. The two of them have given me countless hours of caring, good advice over the years. When you worked for Phil work wasn’t just a job, it was an experience. He wasn’t always easy on us and he made a point to focus on both your strengths and your weaknesses. He was consistently encouraging.

Last Wednesday was Phil’s birthday and instead of sending him a Facebook message I decided to try to reach him by phone. His life has been extremely full and busy the last few years so I was thrilled when he answered right away. Even though he was on a train he took the time to talk with me for 25 minutes. I will always, always treasure that conversation.

When I hung up the phone I did go on Facebook and posted a message on his wall, something along the lines of “Happy Birthday to the best boss I could ever have (and maybe ever will have).” I remember at the moment thinking it was cheesy but I was sure he’d get a kick out of it. He private messaged me back a wonderful short note just a few minutes later.

When you feel the urge to call someone, write someone, tell someone what they mean to you—just do it, don’t hesitate. Phil did this almost every single time he spoke to his close friends and colleagues over the last few years. That was just one of his outstanding qualities. 

Let every best moment, best experience, best person permeate your being and your soul. Rest in peace dear Phil. You were indeed the best boss I ever had.

Hugging in the Workplace

I've been making the classic professional writer's mistake of working/writing so much for my clients lately, I haven't been writing for myself! I'm thrilled to be so busy, the past six weeks have been some of the most rewarding and challenging of my career. For fun today I thought I'd post a essay I wrote two years ago when I was working full time for an agency in New York. It's a longer piece than I'd usually post but the topic cracks me up so I thought I'd share.

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Hugging in the Workplace

My full time job is in the world of advertising and like every work place; things have really changed over the last 20 years. Faxing is nearly obsolete and email is the uber-form of communication.  Water coolers have been replaced by sleek vending machines selling the bottled variety and hundreds of business hours each year are spent on Jetsons-style video conference calls. Wearing jeans is completely acceptable work attire (not just on Friday, every day) and people work, while listening to headphones and simultaneously instant-messaging their friends and family. Fewer and fewer of us remember what it was like to literally run to the FEDEX drop box by 6:30 to make sure that large important document gets to the client the next day.

With all the change technology and evolving societal norms have brought us, I’ve adapted and flourished professionally. I’ve been a telecommuter for nearly ten years and this been extremely beneficial for me and my family. However an interesting side effect of flying in and out of home offices and client meetings  every other month is that I get to experience first-hand a modern phenomenon that I am particularly not comfortable with—and this is the workplace hug.

“Hi! How was your flight? Great to see you!” are the familiar workplace greetings I am lucky to receive when I arrive at my office in New York. As much as I greatly appreciate the warm welcome, I literally cringe inside as I walk closer and closer towards my department comrades knowing that this welcome dance will include a hug, hug, hug, and hug from as many as 7 people in a span of 5 minutes. I must note that I have worked with some co-workers and clients for many years and consider them friends. I’ve met their families, we’ve enjoyed countless meals together, we remember each other’s birthdays and send holiday gifts to each other. Truly, I have no qualms giving these comrades a hello and goodbye hug. 

But regularly I’m faced with hugging it out with a lot more people than just the workmates I’ve known and trusted for some time. Examples include my 22 year old male assistant, the freelancer I’ve only met by phone so far and Good Lord, my new boss who I have only known for 6 months and with whom I butt heads with on a regular basis. I must hug you? You actually want to hug me? Really? What about the co-worker who talks behind my back and the client I’ve only met a few times and I know is getting ready to fire me? Really? Must I hug them too? 

When it comes down to it, I guess I must because they are always ready and willing to hug me, even if I try to wave or offer my hand out for a shake. These are well-intended people who shower on a regular basis and I’m one hundred percent sure their close friends and family members enjoy hugging them.  But for me, they are work-people and hugging them all when I arrive and depart a business function is odd, forced and frankly just a little too close for comfort. 

Perhaps it's the de-formalization of society that has triggered workplace hugging as the new handshake replacement. In the United States hugging has become a very universal sign of greeting, farewell and affirmation.So much so there is even a National Hug Day recognized by the United States Copyright Office and liked by over 6000 on Facebook. If fact, it seems like the hug has replaced the handshake in so many circumstances that people just don’t know where to draw the line anymore. I'm sure I get hugged more because I am female and diminutive in stature. This really irks me. The last time I left a meeting and held out my hand to someone to shake it he laughed out loud and said “Aw, that’s so cute and so formal of you! Give me a hug” and proceeded grab me into a quick embrace. Eww. I didn’t need or want that, which is why I held out my hand in the first place.

The fact that I don’t see these people on a regular basis is what makes me feel so uncomfortable hugging them. Ironically, if I did see them every day, they probably would rarely feel the need to hug me. Regardless, there really should be some universal rules for hugging (or not hugging) in the workplace and to get this movement started I am going to lay a few out right here.   

Direct Report Relationship:  It’s pretty simple. If you report to the person, or if they report to you, do not hug them. It sends strange signals and is counter-intuitive to a business relationship that demands reprimands, requests and denials of raises. The only exception should be due to an unusual occasion such as a promotion, death or birth in the family and if this is the case, maybe ask first?

Duration of Relationship:  If you’ve only known your workmate for a few days, weeks or months, don’t even think about hugging them. Just don’t.

Length of Hug:  If you must hug someone at work, make it short and sweet. No lingering. :03 seconds max. Enough said.

Type of Hug:  Side hugging can be even more awkward than full on hugging so if you must hug a workmate, bag the side version and go in for the regular. No rubbing, caressing or moaning of any sort is acceptable and likely would break the :03 second max hug length. A pat-pat on the back during the hug is probably ok (but this can be done without hugging in the first place!)

Alternatives to Hugging:  Fist bumps, pats on the back, high fives and yes even the old fashioned handshake is preferable to hugging a colleague or client. Keeping your arms clasped in front of you like a dope while smiling broadly may also work to fend off an unwanted hug. 

Hopefully this provides some hugging boundaries for the workplace and also clarifies why I wait until the last minute to leave the office for the airport and attempt to give a jolly general wave as I jog towards the elevator. No offense is meant to my co-workers and clients with this diatribe about hugging. This subject, like work hugs, is just something I just needed to get off my chest.

 Nina Jordan Kuhlman is a freelance writer and marketer who telecommutes from her home office in Chicago.She really isn't the cold-hearted wench she may seem to be from this article. She hugs her children, husband and even her dog quite regularly.

Spring Fever

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I've been an extremely busy bee the last few weeks. I've been working closely with the energized new executive board of the DYC; celebrating family member birthdays; hosting my fantastic bookclub (hi ladies!); checking out a boxing fitness class (yes, I know nuts!) and importantly-- starting some very exciting projects with a few new clients. One of those is writing about health issues for a booming company called Chiro One Wellness Centers.

I've been digging into all types of health-related conditions and my close friends and family think I'm perfectly suited for this work because they like to call me a "cyberchondriac." To explain, for the last many years I have always been one to spend hours researching health issues and concerns on websites like WebMD for myself and family members. It all started when I was trying to get pregnant for the first time about 13 years ago. It continued when I was on several months of  bed rest, pregnant with twins. You can't blame me there, can you?

There was certainly some good information online about health issues at that time, but nothing compared to the wealth of information that's available today. But of course too much information, especially out of context can be a bad thing. As a veteran cyberchondriac I caution you to concentrate more on positive health research and not to dwell on all the scary stuff that's out there. When you're seriously worried about a health issue the only route is to pick up the phone and call your doctor and a close friend or family member to talk it through.

Spring is upon us (I can tell by our backyard ice rink, which is turning into a moldy pond) and this means a lot more outdoor time for those of us who've been living with snow and winter weather. Its the perfect time to get more proactive about our health. I for one can't wait to hear the crack of the bats at little league; take Louie on long walks and join my family on some bike rides. I hope you'll be doing similar things soon too. Good health is an ultimate, precious gift.

Bounce Back

Why is it, when no one is around and you fall down supremely hard -- it feels so good to just lay there for a minute or two and really soak in the trauma your body just took? This frigid winter morning I have been pondering this exact question after slipping, falling and wacking multiple body parts while on skates, shoveling our outdoor ice rink. (Ah, who said self-employment doesn't have perks?) Is feeling sorry for one's self a natural human condition that some are more apt to feel than others? Is it truly one of those natural reflexes that is almost impossible to avoid?

I tend to believe it is, but the greatest people, athletes, thinkers and business leaders of the world definitely have above average bounce-back reflexes. When these entities stumble, they may lie still for a minute but then they quickly get up off the cold, hard ground; dust themselves off and adapt, grow, innovate or disrupt the situation they are in. I recently read about a few great examples-- one is no surprise, the little engine that could called Yahoo but the other is an organization I hadn't really thought of as a disruptor before-- the Library. http://blog.mindjet.com/2013/01/disruption-in-2013/

The business of life is as unpredictable, rough and slippery as a backyard, amateur ice rink. But it can also be serene, enjoyable or exhilarating. It depends on the day, the others skating on the ice with you and of course the elements that are out of your control. But as much as I am enjoying this metaphor today-- time to get back to work (with a mug of hot chocolate.)

Come Together?

I am trying to listen to the universe and my own thoughts more lately.  I know that sounds really Oprah-y but she really drove this message into my brain more than any other influencer of my generation. When fate, the universe, God or whatever you want to call it shows you something-- really listen to it, believe it.  

One of the things I am listening for and trying to learn more about is a really big question. It's the "who am I?" question. Because honestly I am starting to think I've been living life more like 2 or 3 people instead of one. And hey now-- that's just not efficient.  It's also rather exhausting some days.  I am realizing during this search for new work that I need to pay attention to all my different facets. I am finally starting to figure out that the key to more life fulfillment just may lie in bringing these facets together more. 

What I can't figure out is just how far I should take this idea. I know intellectually that complete work/life integration is definitely not necessary.  There are millions of successful people out there who take great care to separate their work lives from their personal lives from their spiritual lives. They do this because they have to or they want to, or both. But I bet they have made their decisions with intention, they haven't just muddled along trying to juggle these different portions of their lives indiscriminately.  There just isn't enough time in the day, the week, the month or the year to do it without making deliberate decisions and sticking with them.

The people whom I like to read and know and learn from on a regular basis seem to bring a lot of their "stuff" all together. Their political views, their altruism, their client successes, their kids' triumphs, their worries and their opinions. People like Glennon Melton Doyle at www.momastery.com, writer and old classmate Molly Logan Anderson www.grabthegood.com;  social media guru/futurist Geoffrey Colon https://twitter.com/djgeoffe and my former workmate and friend Jason Burnham http://www.digitalsphinx.com. These people aren't celebrities--- they don't need to build public personas to make a living.  They are writers, thinkers, learners, travelers, business people, friends, parents, children.

Hmmm, sounds a lot like how I might describe myself. The past few weeks I have been giving myself time to clear my head (it's an overused figure of speech but apt.) After 10 years of juggling just about everything life could throw at me (close family member deaths, childbirth and child raising, very challenging work, marriage, health scares, home ownership, etc.)  I feel a little bit like I do in summer, sitting on a pool deck when the clouds are covering the sun yet the clouds are starting to move.  I know if I just be patient, relax for a little a while longer...eh, maybe even 20 or 30 more minutes longer, the clouds are going to move on. And when they do I will be much more content, able to enjoy clearer skies and the warm sun on my face.   

I'll Get to That...Eventually

Procrastination, why oh why is it thy middle name?  And really, I am not alone, am I?  I believe I am correct to believe that a large majority of Americans might be just like me. And to prove my point I will go and research a statistic on this topic...eventually.


Photo credit:  http://kateselvaratnam.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/procrastination-station/


Why oh why do you do it?  After giving it some thought I realize that my procrastination tendencies come down to habit and a moderate yet occasionally striking streak of laziness. I do not think it's a deep down personal sabotage issue and so far I have gotten through life pretty successfully battling the the "big p."  You see, I love to make lists and take great satisfaction in scratching things off as I complete them. However time and time again, one week's "to do" list morphs into the following week. The most dreaded or annoying of tasks get put off much longer than they should.  Sometimes, waaay longer than they should.

I wish I could say this blog entry will provide you with 5 quick and easy tips to stop procrastinating, but I bet you've read that type of article before. My main goal today is to urge you to think about why you procrastinate and motivate you to try to put some anti-procrastination tips back in play again. You know the ones-- do the worst thing first; turn your email off for a few hours each day to strictly "work"; grab a friend and make him go with you on the most irritating errands you have to do. Because lo and behold these techniques can actually work!

I have had a change in my professional life recently and this has allowed me more free time in some ways, less in other ways. With this change I decided that I was going to try altering some of my habits by knocking off nagging projects, tasks and errands in a much more timely manner.  Not only am I trying to do procrastinate less, but do a thorough job more, with the thought that the more complete of a job I do in the present, the less I'll have to think about it, fix it, or re-do it later.

So far my efforts really are working, certainly not every day but many days. And the moments I fight the urge to procrastinate what a boost of satisfaction I've thoroughly enjoyed.  I am quite sure the great leaders of business, government and religion in this world are not procrastinators. For some reason Martha Stewart comes to my mind. Do you think that lady has procrastinated a day in her life? One look at her monthly calendar really gives me a jolt (and makes me blast out a giggle/snort combo). This woman gets stuff done, as inane as that "stuff" might be to you and me.

And if the leaders, go-getters and movers-shakers of the world do have procrastination tendencies, I bet they are smart enough to have a staff member beat them with a stick to make sure they do the things they need to do. If you have an employee, co-worker or friend who you can trust to be your stick-beater, excellent. Bring them in on your quest to reduce procrastination in your world. Perhaps you can help each other. Speaking of help, I would love to see some of your best anti-procrastinating ideas, triumphs or failures, so feel free to comment below if you have them (or think about and come back later and post them. Just kidding, do it NOW!)